I wrote this during my first day of period and I watched Ted 2 until 3am so forgive me for all the bad words and curses in this post.
September supposed to be a nice, cold, fresh breeze month. As in another continent do, they’re entering fall season. Indonesia SHOULD be in wet season now, when there’s a nice dark cloud hanging in every corner of the sky and cold water actually pouring from the cloud. Just like 5-6 years ago. But not now, something has changed our weather season into Dry and Smoke season. So bye cloudy day and welcome to a fucking humidity day with tons of carbon dioxide from the hound of hell.
God please bring back the rain.
Why its so hard to say : “Please stay, I’m not okay” or “I admit it, I’m weak and I need your help”
instead of pushing everyone who cares about you away and refuse to accept a help from a pure hearted people?
Why its easier to say : “Go, I don’t need your help” or “Your attention makes me dependent”
Why its so important for me to be independent? As if when someone help me I’ll drown into an endless hole of moral duty? I can’t live that way yet I don’t want to feel like I’m using or taking people for granted.
Maybe I just had to find someone I can relying to without feeling guilty at all.